And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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