He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Randomize
