We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
