Cold hands, warm shart.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
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