you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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