and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Randomize
