Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
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