Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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