I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
