That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
