I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
