Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
