This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
