Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
