I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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