I got chris browned last night
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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