Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
