He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
