yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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