so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
