You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize