Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
