Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Is it because I queefed?
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
