have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
i wish my penis had a tongue
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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