So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
