Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
My breasts were aching with rage.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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