At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
