Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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