I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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