so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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