never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
