i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
