i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
