y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
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