so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
