I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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