i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
she smelled like a LAN party
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
