so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
