I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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