shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
