Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
