Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
