she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
