The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
