I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Non-Jews are for practice
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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