i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
We left an ass print on the piano.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize