Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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