Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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