in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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