Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
i wish my penis had a tongue
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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