I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Randomize
