The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
