Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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