well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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