pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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