This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Randomize
