he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
