So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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