my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
