I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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