You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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