wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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