It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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