I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
